Captive by Claudine Dumont

Author:Claudine Dumont
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: House of Anansi Press Inc
Published: 2015-08-05T21:02:47+00:00

They chose us. It’s the first clear thought to come to me when I emerge from sleep. They. Chose. Us. I no longer open my eyes when I wake up. I don’t open my eyes. I wonder how long it takes the body to adapt to a new reality. They chose us. I listen to Julian breathing in his sleep. Motionless. I wait for the handful of minutes that separate his waking from mine. I notice the dampness of my hair. I was groomed last night. A ball of disgust in my stomach. I can’t do anything about it. They chose us. I begin to torture myself: Is it the men in black who are washing me? Shaving me? Do they make lewd comments? Say things about the state of my body? What else could they be doing to me while I’m unconscious? I can’t venture into those possibilities. I grab hold of anything I can. A form of professionalism. Maybe my personal grooming is done by women. That would be less indecent. It’s stupid, given the situation, but my mind hangs on to these details. Anchors itself. Otherwise, I start drifting. I can’t drift off course. Not even a slight deviation. I won’t come back. I know it. They chose us. They chose me. Because I’m insignificant enough to disappear without leaving a trace. Me. But Julian? How? Julian is taking his time to wake up. If he managed not to sleep, he saw them take me away. He’s here. Nothing has changed. He did nothing. He couldn’t do anything. Just watch. But he slept. He’s sleeping. His breathing is more shallow. I feel like shaking him. I want to know. I don’t move. I wait. They chose me. Me. Because I could disappear. Him too. I should cry. I should howl. I should. But no. It’s objective information. Like knowing it’s going to rain tomorrow. I can’t change anything. Like the fact of wanting to move. Run. I’m sick of the limits of my mattress. I can’t do anything. I’ve come to a standstill. I stretch. I sit down. I lie back down. I have nothing else to do. It’s not enough. I want to get up. Run. It’s an empty desire. Empty. Impossible. All I have are my thoughts. And I’m trying to avoid those above all else. Julian is waking up. Are you there?

“Are you there?”

He whispers. I get closer. I know that he doesn’t want them to hear us. I lean my ear close to his mouth. His breath warms my ear.

“I managed to hold on. I’ve never battled sleep so much in my life. They came. Three of them. They didn’t turn the light on. All I saw was a faint glow in the corridor. It didn’t cut through the darkness. They took you out. I couldn’t see how. They didn’t say a thing. They did everything in perfect silence. There was only the sound of boots on broken glass. Then the light in the corridor vanished.

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